the wedding

On January 5th I went to a wedding.  It was for a couple friends of mine and it was a notable occasion for them (because they were getting married, obviously), and me because my time there impacted my world view and my official position on a few key life issues.  This was the first of my peer’s weddings I was able to attend, which made it very different from the older relatives or obscure ceremonies I went to before.  Other than that day, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a room with hundreds of other people that were all so happy.  It wasn’t like a meeting or conference where some people are there just because they have to show up.  Everyone made the effort to be there, and everyone was overwhelmingly thrilled for the infectiously happy couple.  After talking with some folks after the ceremony, I learned that almost everyone I know is in a solid relationship and most are engaged already.  Which was great.  Unfortunately that made it a bit awkward when I almost said “I don’t really want to get married.”

Luckily I held myself back from saying something so foolish (at a friend’s wedding), but that is my position on the matter, I don’t want to be married.  I’ve seen good marriages (my parent’s have one) but I haven’t desired that for myself.  I’d seen a wife as someone to spend all my money, ask entirely too many questions, get in the way, keep me from doing what I want, and then yell about how I don’t love her.  When you look at it like that, why would I want to get married? that sounds terrible.  Which is why this wedding really shook me up.  Because I actually knew the couple and could see how much they loved one another, my world view changed (or was at least impacted).  I had never really believed that a wife could be someone to make my life better, encourage and inspire me, help me achieve my dreams, and have an irresistible positive influence on my life.  From that (less depressing) point of view, why wouldn’t I want to get married? that sounds awesome.  Of course in reality it’s probably some of both, but some say that it’s more than worth the effort.

I’m not really marriageable right now (so try and hold yourselves back ladies), I have lots of debt, still live with my parents (because of the aforementioned debt), and only recently got a car that starts every-time.  I prefer to be alone, do paperwork in a back office to keep the bank from taking my thumbs, and only exercise when I can watch TV at the same time.  I don’t cook, rarely clean, and don’t understand the value of throw pillows.  I’m emotionally distant, relatively unattached, and not nearly considerate enough.  Right now, I’d make such a terrible boyfriend, fiancee, or husband.  And I only recently thought that perhaps someday I wouldn’t mind being married.  It’s the rare singular event that can change my official position on an issue.  But the love and joy I saw at that wedding ceremony, the laughter and tears, the poetry and vows got me thinking “maybe…maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad idea…”

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the wedding