the confusion

Thus far in my life I haven’t had to really think about what I want to do.  I’ve always focused on what I needed to do because that was the more relevant question.  I had/have (and will always have) lots of bills to pay including my student loans of course.  Therefore, it didn’t matter what I wanted to do, I had to get the highest paying job I could find at the time in order to pay these bills.  That rationale led me to a retail management position right out of school and then to a paperwork position at an auto dealer afterwards.  I am hugely grateful for my job now, it’s about 40 hours a week, pays almost enough for me to move out of my parents house, etc.  But, it isn’t really what I think I’ll want to do for the rest of my life.  And that’s the issue, I have no idea what I would want to do.  I’ve been looking into different ways of living and determined that even if I eventually get out of debt and live somewhere much cheaper, I’ll still need to have a job of some sort.  I don’t really want to do any government job because they take too long and there isn’t enough upward mobility, and I’d rather not do retail or food-service.  Other than that though, I’m not sure what I would actually want to do.  Although, I really like watching TV, Web Video, and some Movies.  I was talking with a friend that graduated from AFI recently and I may want to look into some sort of film production goal, but that’s another $140k and 2 years away (if ever).  And I’m about $2000 short of being able to afford the Adobe Creative Suite.  Hopefully sometime soon I’ll figure out what I would actually want to do with my life once it’s more under my control.  Until then I’ll just try not to get fired.

the confusion

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